| first post in quite some time |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|12:10 am] |
| [ | music |
| | hallelujah - rufus wainright | ] |
i felt i should post this here too.
so to start things off i just got done watching the butterfly effect. i have never scene before i think just because of lack of interest. i don't know if the rest of this thought is because of seclusion or what but i just felt that i need to type something. there aren't alot of movies that really do something for me, i mean i like alot of movies and have seen plenty, but it's weird to explain it but that movie really just gave me a weird feeling. the feeling is a mixture of things, i feel depressed, i feel scared, i feel alot of feelings all negative and it is all in one. it is really weird. i every person has had the thought of going back and changing things in their life, well atleast i have. and i have always wondered what would have happend, if i did things differently, would i be going to the same school? would i have worked harder to have so much more, would i have spent more time with loved ones, would i know more people or less, would i even know the same people? i am not saying that what i have is bad, i know things could always be worse, but are things still the way they should be, i don't know if my thoughts that i had from my dream mean anything, but there are alot of changes i need to make, and this movie just made me really think i guess. the main thought is sacrifice. what are u willing to sacrifice and if u did sacrifice something, did it make a difference and will u ever be ok for the sacrifice. this just may seem like crazy rants and they probably are but i just don't know what to feel, what to say or what to share. and to who, who do i want to even bother with any of this.this is just a new year, why does it feel like a new life? it really sucks to have questions that can't be answeted. |
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| a funny thing happened on the way to the bus. |
[Aug. 20th, 2005|03:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ride - bond | ] |
so i was supposed to work from 10-6 today but ended up being sent out at 1:30. so that sucked but whatever, i walked over to the smithfield news to go catch my bus. so i am standing there for quite some time leanin against the wall silent bob style, listening to my music and such. and then a man walked past as i was daydreaming about when i was able to swing dance ( i believe the squrrel nut zippers was playing) and the man asked me if i was ok. i was confused and said yeah i was good, and i said i was just daydreaming, so he told me to have a nice day and walked away. a few minutes later he is back again, this time he explains to me that he is a christian ( u can tell i lived in the city to long because i thought he was going to give me a little book) and he asked me if i needed money. i looked back and said, " no i am just waiting for my bus thanks for asking." at this point i think to myself, do i look homeless? i just got off work, i should look good. explained that he wanted to make sure i wasn't going hungry, yet again i a,mconfused since i am wearing a fairly decent black button down shirt and black dress pants with black sketcher boots while listening to an mp3 player, all things a homeless man should not have. the man said that he just wanted to make sure cause, he said he didn't have a whole lot of money but he wanted to make sure that people are going hungry. he then walked into the store i was leaning against. and i am still waiting for my damn bus. the man comes out with two yoohoo's and asked, "would you care to join me drink one of these, they are really good and won't blacken your teeth like those cigarrettes." i thank him and take one and we start talking, he explained that his birthday was august 8, and he had turned 64. i was very nice to him and told him happy birthday and such and he just kept talking, he then introduced himself as george. i am now convinced that george is the nicest old man in all of pittsburgh. he then tells me that he lives over and lawernceville, and i tell him that i used to work at a gas station and around this time my bus came, we said our goodbyes and i said i hoped to see him again.
now, i know that i complain alot but my situation and yes at times, it really sucks but it could be worse. this man really made me question alot of things. first off that he cared to not just give a homeless person money but went out of his way to ask someone if they were all right. the thought that the man went up to a complete stranger and wanted to know if he was ok, the man never asked for anything other than my first name. i know that there are nice people out there, most are quiet about it, others will give money to homeless or open the door for someone, but downtown alot of this is unheard of. just the thought that someone asked if i was ok and he was a complete stranger at that. i hope i do see this man again. and if i do i think i will tell him some of this. i just feel that i really need to be nicer to people, this man really made me question alot of things. and one last subject i would like to touch due to this old man, i have never really questioned the existence of god or a greater being. i am not ashamed to say that i pray, i pray every night, and not about world peace or senseless things like that but about my friends and family. i used to enjoy going to church, and yes you would just hear the same thing all the time day in and day out, but really it is kinda hard to teach the same lesson for thousands of years. but the thing i liked about church was the people, no matter what, they were the nicest people, and the church i went to was a little church that couldn't seat more than 150 people. but those people genuinly cared, i mean really cared about you. and that is just something that you don't see much anymore. friends care and that is a good thing, but that is also expected. how much greater would things be if people actually cared about everyone. i have been termed an "asshole" by many, but the things i do are meant in fun, never to hurt. i really don't know where i am going with this but i just think that it is funny, that one man doing something for someone and not expecting anything in return. it just makes ur problems seem insignicant. well these are my deep thoughts spurred on by george. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2005|11:51 pm] |
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and now the much requested impound pictures along with others. |
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| what a day and night |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|11:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
so... friday was fun. it started out with working all morning till 4, but that wasn't that bad. so after work mike E.P. came and to and picked me up and then we went out to sarver for my mom's car. on our way there chinbeard calls me, says he is in town, so i tell him what is on the agenda for the night so he joins us for nights festivities. so then i get the car and mikey and i then proceded to drive downtown. and once we go and meet up with lizzy, the beard, elise h, and some of elise's friends whom i did not get their names. we meet up with them at the Byham theater and then go in and watch the movie Swingers for $3. the movie was a great time, very hilarious. so then we head to mikey's house in the southside because we are going to go try to do kareoke down at the hot metal grill. the theory was that mikey and chinbeard needed to get drunk b4 leaving first so that they would even sing at kareoke. so they do so while we are watching the Ghostbuster cartoons. we then venture down to the hot metal grill (walking) and find out that there is no kareoke on fridays. elise's friends end up leaving and we then travel to Lava lounge. but you need to be 21 to get into there, so chinbeard gets lizzy and elise into the club and we go in and have a few drinks. we leave there after a while and then go to mikey's house. now here was my sobering moment, we get to mikey p's and and my mom's car is gone. chinbeard (my new legal advisor) and i walked down to the police station and found out the car was towed. so i end up having to call my mom at 1:40 in the morning to ask her what her liscence plate number is, so that was fun. we then find out that i can not get the car till the next morning so i crash at mikey's and then beard, mikey, elise and i go to get the car, luckily elise had the money to spring the car, now i have to find the money to pay the citation. oh well, so that was my interesting night. i laughed, i got pissed and wanted to break stuff, it was a good time.
::pictures to come:: |
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| mini vacation |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|12:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the green fields of france - dropkick murphys | ] |
so my mini vacation now wraps up and comes to an end. it all started with nick's birthday party here at the house, which i must say was a lot of fun, many old faces and some not so old, but still alot of fun. the night ending with people crashing into random beds means that it was a good party. so the next morning angie and i left to go to her house in york, PA. now that was fun, that was alot of fun. at first we didn't do much just sat around the pool and hot tub. but when we got there i got to meet angie's ex-boyfriend named phill, who creapilly is just like me, i was actually kinda freaked out how many similarities. so the next day we didn't do much just kinda chilled some people came over and what not. but friday we went to dinner with her parents and then went and hung out with her friends, and that was definately alot of fun, i was happy to have gone since we hung out with them. we went mini golfing and then played frisbee with angie's shoe (which was quite aero-dynamic). but then angie and i left the next morning to come back to reallity. the next day was not so bad of reallity though because i had marty and jason's birthday party at dave and busters. that was actually pretty fun. but that is the end to that mini vacation. now back to reallity of getting ready for school and such. |
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| tonite, tonite!!!! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|12:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | finally free - dream theater | ] |
so tonite was fun, greasy pizza that falls apart in ur hands, the company of the portman twins, jerzey, jeff from new jersey, sean and doogles. and then going to catch a movie which i know many people are going to be angry with me when i say the name because i said i would go with them but i am willing to go twice, the movie was charlie and the chocolate factory. all i have to say about the movie is "MUMBLER!!!" so after the movie we were ready to leave when we notice a familiar car, a white mustang from georgia, for those of you that don't know this is mikey p's car. so we walked up to it and the doors were unlocked, mikey is not a smart kid sometimes, so we called him and told him that we were in his car and such and he told us that he was in seeing charlie and the chocolate factory, so we took off to giant eagle and bought ribbons, a wonka bar, vasaline and a camera. after buying the materials we went back to the car, and well u can use ur imagination. it was much needed nice night. but now i must sleep so i can get up in the morning for work |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2005|02:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | learning to live - dream theater | ] |
well working at the grand concourse started out kinda hectic but i think i am slowly getting the hang of it. so far the pay isn't that bad so that is definitely a plus. well this past weekend was nice and calm. mostly i worked except for the exception of seeing some friends i haven't seen in a while which is always nice. so the last post was rather depressing, i can see that and at the time i pretty much just cracked. like everyone else in the world after time i to crack under pressure. but oh well. i am waiting for my paycheck to come back so that the gas station can issue me another one. unfortunately i believe they are still screwing me but i really just don't care. time for school is starting to come around. part of me can't wait while the other wishes that i could have made more money over the summer. but oh well. i have to start looking into my financial aid stuff to make sure i can go to school and to further more look more closely into my major. it is not so much a secret anymore that i am thinking of switching my major from acting to sports, arts, and entertainment management. it would be nice to decide on what i want to be when i grow up b4 i grow up. the apartment is still nice, but i actually miss dormitory life. i think it is because everything is just right there and so is everyone pretty much. well i reposted so that people don't think i am totally depressed because i am not, i am just contemplative, which can be just as bad. well i think i am actually going to go to bed. |
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| riding the rollercoaster of hell |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|02:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | all american rejects - can't take it | ] |
so, things the past week or two have been very interesting. i was so happy to get our of the gas station and a real job well, maybe not real but atleast i will be making more money and i don't have to fear for my life. so the grand concourse is awesome to work at just like really busy at times but what isn't. i get pretty decent money so that is a plus and majority of the people i work with are really cool. i could list all the perks to the job but honestly i just don't feel like it. so the gas station found a way to skrew me over, it hit me by suprise actually. i was very happy getting the new job that i got a phone call from my mom telling me that my last paycheck had bounced. i then began yelling and swearing alot as to which my mom just let me bitch for a few minutes (which was a really good idea on her part) not only did the check bounce but to make things worse it threw my account negative and then i had no money on myself to get it out of the red so i was then charged for the over drafts and then for the paycheck bouncing. so at first i really didn't know what to do, i mean i have never had a problem with something like this ever. so i called national city to see what they said. they told me everything that happend and that they were going to look into it and see if it is their fault. well after looking they informed me that it was not their fault so then i was like, "so now what do i do." so the lady then informed me that the gas station should issue me a new check, but i asked her about the charges against me in the account because of it and she said that there was nothing national city could do about it so she then told me that i should tell my employers about this and that they should pay for the charges themselves. so i call my manager and she then tells me that she will re-issue a new check for me but they would not pay for the charges because that was not their fault, so then after fighting for 10 min about this i finally just replied with whatever and told her she would get a phone call from me when i got the check and i hung up on her. so i am now in a position that i could sue them if i wanted. i don't know if i really want to because it's not like i need thousands of dollars from them. it will just be like 80 bucks in charges against me. i just want the money i earned, no more no less. i want the money from the paycheck and i want the charges paid for, i don't think that is asking that much but apparantly it is. so this leads me to hating my life, so that is fun.
on a lighter not i thought i would go out with the little bit of money i have to take my mind off my own personal hell and just try to enjoy myself. so angie, lizzy and i went to sandcastle. as sad as it is that was my first time at sandcastle and it was actually pretty fun. so hopefully things will get better soon. oh well i just have to much shit to do now. you know i really hate growing up. i remember when i could just play things by ear and things worked, and not only did they work but they worked really good too. now i have to schedule things just to try to get them done. i just want to go back, i want to go back to living in cheswick, going to highschool and working at rudys and even the camp. i had so much fun then, no stress, and now i am just waiting for the gray hairs to grow. and if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, well, i can't say what i would do about it but it wouldn't fix anything. oh well i think i am going to end this rant and go to bed. i am sure their will be more cheerful posts like this in the future. |
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| FREE!!!!! |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|01:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | save yourself - stabbing westward | ] |
i am finally free, saturday night is my last time working as a clerk at a gas station. my days of nervousness from being held up are through. now i work at the grand concorse. i go from rudy's, a deli, a library, a gas station to the grand concorse. well this should be interesting. |
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| my head hurts |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|02:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lemonade - wheatus | ] |
so i recently remembered i had a livejournal account and that i should post on it. well here it is. life has been quite interesting, the apartment is nice, i am now happier there is an air conditioner in my room now. it makes things so much more bareable. but i am stuck working possibly the worst job i have ever had. now i know that i have bitched about my jobs before and i know alot of people bitch about their jobs, but seriously, this is quite horrible. for those of you that don't know i am working at a gas station in bloomfield, now you may say to yourself that isn't so bad, working at a gas station would be easy, because i too said that same thing. but then i had the quick realization that 1. my life is now in jeopardy because i am working at a gas station in the getto, 2. this is probably the most hectic job i have ever worked because there is no written schedule, i have to take it upon myself and call my boss and ask when i am working, then 3. i and one other women are the only two whom speak english and what language do they speak, that would be russian, which leads me to my last point, 4. this job is manned buy the russian mob, i can niether confirm or deny this, but that would be my guess. well hopefully i will be out of that job soon and at another place. i have had one interview already and will have another soon. the job i have had the interview at so far was fuel and fuddle in oakland. that would be nice but i dunno if i would want to keep it when school starts but the other job i am trying to make an interview for is much better, that would be the grand concourse, and the scarier thing is i actually have a chance. so to sum up the past few days (because they have been pretty entertaining and this post is way to long) friday night i fullfilled a promise and took flanigen out to the southside to celebrate his 21st birthday. mikey p joined us and made it a grand event. that night made me reallized, as much as i like my new friends from school, i still miss the ones from home quite alot. but anyways i worked last night from 8 pm till 9 am. that sucked and it i came to the conclusion that if i don't leave that job soon i am going to be a racist. but anyways i came back home and fell asleep and was awakened around 5 or so by angie. she told me that she wanted to kennywood so it was then my job to find a way to get there and to find people to go, so i call mikey p and lizzy. it was quite a funny night, afterwards at steak and shake naming everyword that starts to the letter "P" and other very funny things. all in all when things end up looking blue i just call some friends and end up having fun. well i am quite tired right now and have a very bad headache due to sleep deprivation. so i am going to try to fall asleep.
this is phill ... signing off |
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